It’s been three years, maybe more. I am writing because of the way you systematically destroyed my self confidence, and my personality, forcing me to turn into a hard, jaded person. It has taken me a while to recover from that, and it’s only now that I feel like I could possibly let another person in without thinking of the potential they have to ruin me.
After 4 years together, and parting on pretty good terms, you stopped speaking to me completely once you moved out. You’re fiance seems to not have a problem with chatting to me all the time (btw, what is WITH that? I find it more than just a little weird! Can you please make her stop, without me having to come across as a mega-bitch telling her to please pi$$ of and leave me alone).
You made so many promises you never intended to keep. The anxiety of uncertainty drove me mad, and so I grasped onto any means of control I could, and then it was that control that created a chasm between us. I couldn’t think, eat or sleep. I lost weight, weight that I with my slender frame, couldn’t afford to lose (everyone now says I look so happy and fit and healthy!).
So it was a huge relief the day you came to me and cried, and said you couldn’t do it anymore, and the relief was so great that I couldn’t even make myself cry later that night (and believe me I tried!). To this day I have still never cried over you. I knew that the only reason I was still there was because of friends and family.
As soon as you said those words, I felt better than I had in months. I felt that it was my time. Time to make my own decisions – live my own life – stop putting my life and dreams on hold for you and yours.
I am writing this because I never got the chance to tell you this face to face, and how I wished I had. Just so you could have perhaps understood what had been going through my head for the last 12 months of our brief life together.
I have embarked on a new life, and I love it, and I wish you all the best with yours.