What I wish you knew

What I wish you knew

What I wish you knew

You always questioned my love for you. Every week, wondering if I was cheating, asking for reassurance, wanting more, always wanting more.

Truth is, you were too much for me, too intense, and my self esteem slowly plumeted because I felt like less than a man because you always wanted more and more. And after breaking up so many times, I would never have been able to pay for the past, could never have made it up to you.

BUT, I loved you and I still do. Times past since the last time we spoke in typically dramatic fashion, but I still struggle, still think of you all the time, still miss what could have been. I wish youd only knew how much I loved you. I hope your happy in life babe and maybe one day we can talk again x

1 Comment

  1. M 2 months ago

    This feels so familiar, I wonder if it could be the one I came to write to. Or is that me being dramatic…again? I’ll just leave this here on the off chance.

    Hey you,
    For as smart as I’d always believed myself to be, everything about us left me feeling foolish. Not just the lies you told, the ones I chose to believe even though my gut always knew. Nor is it the pitiful ways I pleaded for you to love me, even after all of your refusals. But the really humbeling part is the fact that I loved you anyway.
    I loved you far too much for me to handle. It frightened me, my feelings felt beyond my control. I had never been a romantic, had never fallen for anyone before and honestly didn’t think I was capable. So, I felt overwhelmed by my feelings. I didn’t have the experience or maturity to cope. I was filled with doubt that turned to fears. Back then I thought I was pushing back against your fears about me, now I look back and see I was pushing myself on you because I was afraid of what loosing you would do to me.
    Years have past and I’ve built a beautiful life. I hope you’re happy too, because you deserve happiness no matter what you think. No one is flawless, but your character is solid gold. You’re a good man and a good person. After everything, I am still so grateful to have known you. You helped to shape the woman I’ve become. I will always think of you with fondness.
    -M

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