Out of sight, out of mind

Out of sight, out of mind

Out of sight, out of mind

To whom my heart belongs, my first true love. I have so many words bouncing around in my head and often try and think of how I could scramble them together to make a sentence, paragraph or letter to make sense of it all. Not even sure as to what I’m trying to accomplish. I’ve seen too many occurrences of spiteful and bitter people after their intimate relationship have run their course and eventually their love diminished. In all these circumstances it’s the one left behind that feels spiteful and bitter towards love or their ex partners, all the while the one that leaves feels regret that they were ever involved with the person they loved and left.

But I feel like you and I are the only exception, which is a miracle in itself. I know we are fading away from each other just like everyone else, but the way we faded away from each other was already written. The moment you left, was the very moment you began to live. I couldn’t bare to tie you down any longer, and because of my unconditional love for you, all I could do was love you from a distance and watch you shine. You are the brightest star in sky; it’s remarkable to see how far you’ve come and all that you’ve accomplished. I’m glad that your new life without me is better than the previous one with me. I’m relieved you have found someone that inspires you in ways that I never could. Even though I miss you, I know that I’m bad for you.

This is why I try with everything I have to keep my distance and only be there for you when you need me. I don’t ever want you to question my love for you, know that I will always be there for you. I’d do anything to be your everything, but I don’t want to complicate your new found love and life. I realize that you are completely oblivious to what sacrifices I make so you are happy, but you should never worry about me, my pain and turmoils are mine to deal with and mine alone. I just never ever want you to experience any of the hurt I’ve felt, I’d never wish any hardship upon you.

You are the only person in my life who’s happiness I put above my own. You are the only person in my life where no matter what you did to me I would still continue to love and this concerns me the most. I say that I’m bad for you, but you bring me weak to my knees. I get so weak I’d believe anything you’d tell me, because you speak words so beautifully, everything about you is beautiful and I can’t help myself but only hear those beautiful words you speak to me. I tell myself time and time again that you have a happier and more fulfilling life now so don’t complicate and mess things up for them. I’m cheering for your happiness and will always be on your side fighting with and for you. You will never have to suffer alone for I’ll suffer for you. I obviously can’t send this to you as this will just make things complicated and majorly awkward. So dearest ex if you happen to stumble across this unsent letter, I hope and wish you all the happiness in the world, sincerely me.

1 Comment

  1. Victim mentality 8 years ago

    Diddo, sadly your thoughts are misconstrued as you were the one to leave every time from your own past insecurities? Every relationship you had you told me this were bad. A red flag right there. I feel sorry for them for what you did to them just as I. I’ve looked at all the texts and how we lasted so long mystifies me. I want not your blessing or happiness as it is false & nothing but lies as you were caught so many times & yet still play the victim. Goodbye and good riddance. Nothing but a cancer. You’ll never admit it will you? Never one to accept blame. It was like that the whole relationship. Goodbye & may you have what you so deserve- a lonely life.

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