Realizing, with a little less despair than usual, that you never truly loved me. And really, I was stupid for getting caught up in the first place given the circumstances.
But what pisses me off is that you have the audacity to chastise me for being bitter about it all, or for being down on myself. I came out on the other end of a heartbreak, of a rejection – what do you expect?
You’ve never had to deal with anyone not wanting you, never had to deal with waking up one day and wondering if the person lying next to you is going to snatch away their love. How would you feel if someone had told you that you weren’t a priority in their life?
And after I spent the year catering to your sexual needs, taking care of your daughter as though she were my own – I’m no longer valuable enough to keep around? And you expect me to just go back to the way it was, being friends and act like you did nothing wrong?
You lied to me. You led me on.
Every reason you stated for ending the relationship was a cop out, plain and simple. If you wanted to remain single, then you should have never agreed to go out with me. That “I shouldn’t be with anyone because I’m nuts” shit is overplayed.
You claim you never wanted to get married, but you did. You claimed you only wanted a fuck-buddy, but you told me you loved me. You tell me that I never really knew you at all, but how can I, when every thing you say is a contradiction?
Did your husband know that you were going to fuck another bio-female after kicking him out? No. So with that logic, he didn’t know you, either.
You’ve got a fucked up attitude and a lot of nerve turning on me like you did when I was the one who was the positive change in your life. You treated me like shit. So don’t you dare try to act like I walked out on you for nothing. You didn’t want me. And you didn’t even put up a fight as I left.
It’s funny how I was top priority when we were in NY trapped in that shithole town with nothing to do but fuck each other. It was cool when I was eating your pussy every night, showing you pleasures that you had never even dreamed were possible. You even turned it into a game with your co-workers, expressing how happy you were about your new lover, banging him behind your husband’s back.
Fuck you, C. And even more, you still can’t admit that you’re still in love with your husband, which makes it even stranger that you stepped out on him. You don’t bother to include me in any way in your daughter’s life, even though I was the one with her the whole year. You push me away and expect me to take it and not feel absolutely motherfucking insanely furious?
And eventually, despite your denials and calling me insecure, it will come out that you are back in your marriage – because he is the only crazy motherfucker that will put up with your bullshit. No one else is going to put up with your sudden emotional changes and having an ex/baby’s father in the picture. And you know that as well as I do.
You’re not worth it. You’re not worth the tears, the self-hatred, the thoughts. Your husband is fucking delusional to think that you are anything more than a lying, emotionally unstable, contradictory wreck that doesn’t know who or what she wants.