I wish I would’ve held you forever

I wish I would’ve held you forever

I wish I would’ve held you forever

Hey, it’s me.

We haven’t talked in a long time. There’s just some things I’ve been needing to tell you. I’ve grown up since we broke up, a lot has happened. I can now see our relationship with new eyes and I get why you left. All I can do is remember how we once were. Remember when we first started talking? Just looking at you would make me smile like I never had before. I would sit with you during lunch and just watch you play chess with your friends, we didn’t even have to talk. You being there with me was enough. Then there was the day our relationship began. You asked me to be your girlfriend through a game of hangman, it was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. I knew how I was with commitment, I’d get scared and run away but with you, it seemed all I wanted to do was hold you and never let go. We began to spend every waking moment together, from morning to sunset, we were each other’s lives. I loved every bit of you, your flaws were my favorite things about you, and your insecurities made me see you as a perfect man. I just wish I’d said it more.

I remember the first day you grabbed my hand, the first day you said ‘I love you’, the first day we kissed. I remember it all. And most of all I remember the day you got on one knee and asked me to be yours forever. I remember.

The problem was that we loved each other so much, everything became a threat. Every girl that looked at you, every guy who looked at me, every wrong move we would make let to an argument. It seemed all we did for months was argue. Seeing you cry would break my heart every time. One day I just couldn’t take hurting you any more. I knew I was being selfish by making you stay with me and I knew I’d rather be miserable then to see you suffer because of me. I told you I was done and walked away and left you crying before I could change my mind, but I couldn’t take it. I was there for you apologizing and holding you 10 minutes later but I was too late, I could see in your eyes you felt differently. We tried to pretend everything was okay but we knew it wasn’t.

We tried to fix it by making our bond more special but we were helping a lost cause.

I remember every detail of the last day we were together. We were going to go on a picnic, we were waiting in a line we could avoid right before we were gunna leave and I had to make an argument out of it(Now that I think back, it was so insignificant…I would do anything to have savored that moment). Then we left for our picnic and went to your house. We sat there and I looked in your eyes and saw nothing. Remember when I would catch you staring at me smiling for no reason? And when I would ask what you were looking at you’d just whisper “you’re beautiful” in my ear? I would look into your eyes and know you meant it. This time I saw nothing, as if you were looking into the eyes of a complete stranger. I knew something was wrong. You kissed me goodbye and that was the last moment I held you in my arms. You broke up with me over the phone later that day. It didn’t have to end badly but I went down fighting. I made it ugly by saying things I’m ashamed of, I knew in my heart I wanted you to be happy even if it wasn’t with me but…you were all I had, I couldn’t lose you.

But you left anyway…

I spent months trying to fix something that hadn’t been there for a long time and I made a fool of myself. I’m sorry I didn’t have the strength to just let you go. Now I see you everyday, and you told me you’re the happiest you’ve ever been in your life. I don’t want to ruin it but, I still miss you and I love you more then I ever have. I swear if I could go back I would hold you in my arms and never let go. I told you I’d love you forever and I meant it, I will love you till the day I die. I’m glad you’re happy and I know you’re going to find an incredible girl who will love you like I do. I’m sorry for all that I did and I hope one day you could forgive me.

                                                            Your Ex


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