Dear Daniel

Dear Daniel

Dear Daniel

You were the best thing that ever happened to me. What we had was real and it was the best. I think you broke me but that’s okay. I love you, I don’t remember falling in love with you, I just remember how much it would hurt to let you go. I’m sorry we had to end. There was nothing beautiful or poetic about it. You shattered my fucking heart. You looked after me when I didn’t deserve it. I’m not really expecting much more from you at this point. I know I didn’t like holding hands but they feel empty like my cold and lonely bed.

And I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. We haven’t spoke much. Small talk is torture. I hope there is a day I see you and don’t want to cry. It’s sad when I think of the memories, unfortunately, those will never fade. You could’ve kept fighting for me but it was easier for you to give up and now I’m crying everyday, it hurts so much. I’ve never felt pain like this before at the same time as feeling so numb. I wake up everyday with this heaviness. Fake happiness is still the worst sadness. I was harsh on you and you still talked to me. Do you still love me? We weren’t on different pages, we were in completely different books. You were the most loving, kind and gentle person I ever had the pleasure o knowing. How could I forget you when you made flowers grow in the darkest parts of me? You said you’d always be there for me, what happened to that? It hurts to know you will never hold me like you used to. I will never find another you (maybe I don’t want to). Maybe you don’t miss me at all but you said you didn’t want to throw this away but you put me out with the trash anyway. Nevertheless, it’s not worth it. Because in the end, the sun will set and the moon will rise. Waves will greet the ocean shore and flowers will continue to bloom every spring. We’ll still stare blankly at each other in the corridors  and my voice will still shake when I talk to you and my bones will still ache at night. You’ll still smile but it won’t be because of me. I’m sorry I’m even writing this letter.

I’m sorry I can’t get over you.

I’m sorry if this is tragic or stupid.

I’m sorry you were the first real thing I ever had.

I’m sorry I can’t say something that would even begin to describe how I’m feeling right now.

I’m sorry.

I hope you find everything you’re looking for. You deserve it so much.

I can’t forget you.


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