I wish I didn’t, but I understand.

I wish I didn’t, but I understand.

I wish I didn’t, but I understand.

LTME postMonica,

I understand why you never could tell me what you thought. You’ve been hurt in the past and that made it hard for you to trust. I would have done absolutely anything to make you happy and our dreams come true; all you had to do was talk to me. You never did, even when a simple sentence could have fixed everything. I should have known that it was too good to be true. I know I made mistakes, but I hope you realize that it wasn’t all my fault. Those mistakes could have been easily addressed if you had said something. I asked you all the time what you were thinking and you never said anything. I just wanted you to trust me the way I trusted you. I didn’t deserve the silence, the snapping, or the way you treated me when all I was trying to do was help and make our future better.

Your distrust is shared now. I had someone I loved more than myself lie to me, belittle me, and use me. You threw me away and didn’t care in the least. I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to have another relationship without being terrified of someone else treating me the same way you did. Maybe I was naïve, but now I can’t imagine trusting anyone with my emotions after the way you treated me. I understand why you are distrusting and distant, but now you’ve made me the same way.

I want you to be happy; you deserve that. I used to think that if we both realized where we went wrong and tried again we could have our happily ever after. I’m not sad you left anymore; now I’m just lonely and frustrated that you threw away everything we had in favor of Dakota, who I never should have believed was just your ex or just your friend. It’s just another case of me trusting you too much. Now I just want to forget about you. I learned a lot from everything, but no knowledge is worth the shit I put up with because of you. I can’t wait for the day when someone says your name, his name, your dog’s name, or anything else that currently reminds me of you and I just don’t care. I would give anything to move on and have my faith in people restored. Thank God for alcohol and sleeping pills.



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