Dear future you.

Dear future you.

Dear future you.

LTME postDear future R*****,

It’s been a while since we left each other, I don’t know how long exactly because I haven’t been counting away the days because I still don’t want it to be real. I still want to be there, with you, in each others arms, doing all the silly things we used to do. Making each other happy.. God, I’m not sure if I can ever finish writing this, got defeater on in the back ground, smoking a cigarette and crying.. sounds like me, doesn’t it? except this time, it’s not happy tears any more.. I miss you, I really fucking miss you. I hate to be all soppy and sad but it’s true and I don’t think that will ever change. But you have, you’ve changed so much, for the worst. You were never this person before and I keep blaming myself, but it isn’t me at all. It’s you. You are in control of your own mind, your own actions and the way YOU are. I hope one day you look back and you think about this, the way you treat me after we broke up, when all I tried to do was fix things. You did treat me like a piece of shit, admit it, just admit you’re the one in the wrong for once in you’re fucking life. You made me feel worthless, you made me feel like I didn’t matter to anyone, you made me feel physically sick, but worst of all you made me feel like I didn’t belong anymore. You’ll never understand because you were hurting yourself inside, even though you would never admit that, you were missing us and what we were. I never wanted things to end and I never wanted things to be the way they were when we broke up. I still blame the friendly cafe till this day. We always said if the worst ever did happen (breaking up) we would go there one day, that saturday at 1pm, order our sloppy joe and a coke for me and a dr pepper for you and we would meet again and realise that we were meant to be together. But now it closed down we had no special place..well we did, the clough.. but come on lets face it you think I’d ever step down on that field again after that bull chased us on our 6 month anniversary after our picnic and water fight? Still your fault f
or wearing that red t-shirt (even though they’re colour blind, I think)

Anyway, I forgive you, even if you think you dont need to be forgiven because you never did anything wrong, and even if you don’t care or don’t need it, I forgive you, not only for you, but for me too. I needed to because I couldn’t keep living like this. I couldn’t keep blaming you for my unhappiness be
cause at one time you were the only thing that made me happy. I know weve both said and done stupid things but none of that matters anymore. I still believe we’re soul mates. Always have, always will. I will come knocking on your door when you’re 40 and married and youll come run away with me because we were in love- we are in love. I dont think the pain of this time of my life will ever go away, even mo
nths, years from now, i’ll always be thinking of you. Someone will say/do something and it will remind me of you and I’ll probably look back and smile, because you made me the happiest I could have eve
r been. One thing I know is that I’ll always be protected by you. Like you always said ‘nothing is going to happen to you while im here’ when we were on the aeroplane to Turkey and I was crying my eyes out terrified something was going to happen, you took my hand and said ‘nothing is going to happen when I’m here with you and nothing did.. We went on a walk when it was dark must have been around half 12 at night and I was terrified, and again you took my hand and said ‘nothing is going to happen to you while i’m here and nothing did. You did this whenever I got scared or worried and after you left, I couldn’t do anything because you weren’t there anymore and I was scared, I was terrified that something was going
to happen to me, but now i’m not, because even though youre not here in person anymore, you’ll always be with me. I do hope one day we’re both mature enough to sort things out, maybe start fresh, go on them little dates to bowling, take me to go see 27 jump street at the cinema haha, while I wear some ugly little boots you hate. I do believe we’ll be together again, we need space, we need to get over ourselves a little bit, cause man, you’re ego is huge at the minute and it’s seriously not attractive in the slightest! I don’t care how many girls ‘want’ you or howmany call you attractive or how many people you’re talking to at the moment, or how many people you’ve seen since we broke up because I know deep down none of them would ever compete with me.. like c’mon, im ginger, chubby cheeks and I’ve got a cute little (big) bum, what more could you want? You’ll always be my frankenstien and I’ll always be your pumpkin, remember that. Remember that letter I once wrote for you, and I put it in the back of our photo? Everything I said in that was true, and still is till this day. I hope things get better for me, and for you. I keep saying hope, I hope this I hope that, because that’s all their is left when you feel so alone and lost is hope. But most of all no matter what happens. I do hope youre happy. That’s all I have to say.

I started writing this letter crying of sad tears but as I wrote it all I could think of was all the happy memories we had together but there was no point writing all them out because I know you’ll think of them too while reading this, because I did and now I’m leaving the letter with a smile, but still listening to defeater, and still with a cigarette in my hand, hey you never know maybe I will quit one day, and all them times you came out in blistering cold and scorching deserts (sorry had to quote shrek) Was my movie I came home to after a rubbish day at work. I would quote something of game of thrones because I know how much you enjoyed it, but I just found it boring! I was more than happy just snuggled up to you. Anyway, no more side tracking, you know I can talk for hours and I’m not reading back through this because you know i’ll start writing more and this letter will be as long as the bible, so sorry if there’s a lot of spelling mistakes and things don’t make sense but i’m tired and think i’ve said enough for now. So I’m just going to leave it here, and last of all, I love you.

Love, your little pumpkin, poi wah, baby girl.

1 Comment

  1. Jh 3 years ago

    Damn you really loved slimR like that. Things just don’t surprise me with you anymore. But I realize know that you really meant it when you said we were never nothing.

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