Hello, its been awhile. 4 months have passed now since we called it quits, or should i say.. 4 months have passed when i told you honestly who i was..
It was the summer in the year 2014, when we first crossed paths. Thanks to a common friend who invited me to a group chat, shy at first and unwilling, your profile photo has caught my attention. I was smitten and i have to admit, i fell in love at first sight. Short and hesitant conversation and hints of flirting gradually developed until we officially became a couple. Our one year and 4 months was the best part of my life, and ill have to be honest here.. i wont be able to find someone like you. That time, my world was spinning around you, i made you my center and gave you my very best. To most people, we are the perfect couple.. little did they know we werent…
For a year, it has always bugged me to tell you the truth, i honestly do. i told myself i can not lie to you and continue.. you are such a wonderful girl and a loving friend.. my soulmate who can read my mind and how i feel, that special bond that we have was so strong, but then…it slowly faded.
Winter is approaching,.. i can not hold it in anymore eventhou i want to keep the relationship til february, i could not live with my conscience im lying to someone like you who loves me unconditionally. Upront, scared and shaking,. i told you everything and since then my life have changed 360 degrees. I lost myself, my self esteem, my confidence..nor do i even know whats right or wrong, i dont even think love is essential ever since that day you walked away and left me.
Its been hell for me, we talked about fixing things and saving our friendship but i kept ruining it the fact that i wasnt over you yet and the idea of you seeing someone else fast than me and moving on made me feel so irritated and anxious. I know i have said harsh words, we argued and cuss each other and mentally and emotionally strained one another. The wounds and scars i have are so deep that i turned to a beast, not knowing that i was being irrational and a scary person. Please believe me when i said i dont want to hurt you, if i have said and did things was because you hurt my pride, my ego,.. and my impulse out of madness, frustrations, jealousy, anger and depression all went rushing in the same time.
I am sorry we have to end this way, and surely you are the one what got away.. and forever i will lament for that piece missing. i know i wont be ever the same again i used to, and i know i will be reminded of alot of things about you especially when youre around and everywhere to me. I screwed up, and this is how fucked up i am now at this pitch hole black pit that im in, full of anger and misery.
I hope you can forgive me in time, i know youre so fed up of me begging and whining.. and my stubborn concept to accept the fact there is no us, theres no room for me even for friendship.
always remember, i love you and ill always be in love with you. despite all your flaws and imperfections, and your cold personality, i know you are a warm person at heart. i know, cause i myself felt it. if time and fate permits us to meet in the future, i would love to ask you out for a walk and a cup of tea.. as a friend for keeps, for a lifetime. always.
in this cycle that we call life, i am sure 100%, you wont find someone like me who loves you as i do..and those precious moments we have- thou are now memories for me to remember and cherish, will remain with me forever.
The book that you gave me and your first and last love letter will always be read every vdays and on 6.6.14. As life moves on for both of us, you will always remain with me as a memory.
p.s. i miss the old us and how we used to be the best of friends. ill try my very best to fix myself before we meet up, atleast someone decent and presentable and not shameful, someone you could be proud of in the future. And, i hope youll do the same for me too.. thank you for making me feel loved and be loved unconditionally even if it was short lived, i love you always, always and always.
the one person who cant be moved