To the man I thought I’d spend my life with

To the man I thought I’d spend my life with

To the man I thought I’d spend my life with

LTME postTo my first love,
You were and will always be the best thing to have come into my life.

It started in highschool. I can still recall the impenetrable walls I spent years crafting. Your charming personality, wit, and sense of humor broke them down almost instantly and I was hooked. After only two months I knew it was love, a feeling I had never experienced before. You made it easy. Your love became the force my world revolved around and not a minute went by without you on my mind.

We were young though and you weren’t ready. You weren’t ready for how serious our love became. After a year of laughs you decided to end things, only to change your mind a short time after. I was sure that it was fate that brought us back together and I jumped at the opportunity of being loved by you again. This, though, was the start of the vicious cycle of breakups that would continue for another four years.

I took you back every time you hurt me because you told me you were sure, you told me you would never do it again and foolishly, I believed you. I believed you because I loved you and I so desperately wanted to be the girl you desired, the girl you needed. I changed myself and lost who I was in the process of trying to please you, but unfortunately you were never pleased.

Almost one year ago you ended things and this time I knew it was for good. I told myself I would not take you back because nothing would ever change. When you called and apologized, asking to work things out, I refused. Not because I didn’t love you, but because I needed to stand up for myself. You can only be hurt by the same person so many times and I had finally had enough.

This year apart has taught me a lot about myself. I have gained tremendous strength and independence from our break up and now I am becoming the woman I have always wanted. Time is healing the numerous scars you have left on my heart, slowly but surely. However, time is not taking away my love for you.

Recently, I found out that you are in a new relationship and you seem happy. For days I cried, reminiscing on our tragic love story, knowing someone else has taken my place. What we had, though, cannot be replaced. I will forever cherish the countless nights we spent talking for hours, how it felt to wake up in your arms, and that one night we spent under the stars. I am confident that new love will find its way into my life when I am ready, but it will never be a love like ours. You taught me what love was, true and raw, but you also taught me how much heartbreak can hurt. The tools that I have learned from this failed relationship will help me with my next, but I will never forget our love story. Thank you for giving me the best five years of my life. You are and will always be my soulmate.


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