i hope you don’t still hate me. i still don’t know why you hate me, it hurts me a lot. it blows my mind how a boy who used to be head over heels in love with me has made me cry myself to sleep lately over and over again. i don’t feel like I deserve that. i miss the old you. i miss when you would text me how beautiful i was everyday. i miss when you would drive home from school, even though you would be late to pick up your mom from work. i miss falling asleep on Facetime with you. i miss you being jealous when other guys would look at me. i miss how excited you used to be to see me. i miss sneaking into my house when no one was home and cuddling in my bed. i miss falling asleep on your shoulders while watching a movie. i wish i could get all these memories back, i wish i could hug you one more time. just one more time. no one hugs me like you used to. but i know you’re doing better things in life right now. you just started college, you have so many new friends, probably new and better looking girls, new school, etc. its probably a better life there. but i’m stuck here in jersey with the same friends, same fuck boys, same school, same everything. i’m only missing you. i wish i could have seen you before you left me, i never thought you would leave me forever though. remember the time you told me you would never leave me? never let me go? look where we ended up. it hurts that you lied to me, i never lied to you. remember when we were on my couch talking about how our parents believed we could be married some day? now i wish you would just talk to me let alone marry me. remember when we talked about me staying over at scranton and we would beg my dad to let me go? i doubt you ever want me to step foot on campus now. i even removed scranton from my college list because i’m too embarrassed for you to see my ugly self. it hurts that the only way i can hear your cute laugh is on your snap chat stories and lately they have been with a bunch of girls. of course that are prettier than me, older than me, better than me, sexier than me and love parties more than me but they will never EVER give you the love that I have given you.
you are the person who brought out my fun side, my more rebellious side. i did things with you i would even think of doing with anyone else. i only did it with you because you were my best friend, i always trusted you. it hurts that i cant trust anyone anymore, because of you. a guy already asked to get with me, i turned him down because im too afraid. it hurts that youre probably getting with so many girls and getting drunk every night and im too afraid to give a guy a chance because of the way you hurt me. now we are strangers and i know better than to trust a stranger. its just that my heart feels like its broken into thousands of pieces from you, but youre just a stranger. just some guy i spend 8 months being best friends with. but now you hate me, i wish you didnt. i never ever imagined you leaving my life forever.
i hope one day you’re in your college dorm and you’re staring at the ceiling with an empty feeling. you cant imagine what it could be caused by. you’re life is great! you have friends, get invited to the best parties, hook up with the hottest girls on campus but then it hits, you’re missing love. you’re missing me. you miss me telling you how cute you are and going pokemon hunting with you and someone to get ice cream with and cuddling and making you brownies and giving you confidence about your body, because I know how much you hate it. you regret treating me like garbage and shutting me out of your life. i hope you regret it someday and apologize for all the pain you have caused me. i hope you look over in your passenger seat one day and realize i’m not there singing alone to every song on the radio. i hope you miss you like it do. i cant even talk to a guy anymore without thinking of you; but now i’m single, no one to call mine. I wish i could still call you mine. i wish you missed me. i wish you didn’t get so damn angry at me and just let me tell you my feelings. i wish i wasn’t sitting alone in my bed right now writing this stupid letter that you will never ever read crying my eyes out thinking about how much i am hurting, how much of my life i have lost without you. i miss you so much.
its only been 1 month since we broke up but it feels like forever. thank you for changing my life, i will never forget you.
your lost best friend