I am really at a loss of what to make of our situation. We used to be so close, despite the distance and everything. I know that it is my fault our romantic relationship is over, I’ve made a horrible mistake that I’ll never be able to forgive myself for. But you were the one who said we would still be friends. And we were. We were still so close even after the break and eventual break up. The only reason I wanted it anyway was the distance, the agony of wanting to touch, see, and talk to you and being unable to was too much, along with my newly diagnosed mental illness.
You said you would wait for me, that I was worth waiting for. And when we were finally reunited, you found someone else. You liar. You said we would still be close friends, yet you never wanted to see me or respond to me. You liar. You said you would always be there for me. Twice now in my darkest times, where all I needed was a friend and someone to confide in you refused to lend me support. You liar.
You were the one who grew more distant, despite me trying to salvage whatever you’d call us. You were my friend, first and foremost and that is all I wanted, and now you say you don’t even want to be friends, not that we were at this point anyway. I wasn’t the one who left you. You are the one who left me. I am truly hurt by your actions, your inability to face me, and the lies that you were feeding me because you didn’t want me to leave completely first.
And now we are strangers. Strangers that are supposed to ignore each other. Where I have to pretend that I don’t care about you, that you aren’t on my mind 24/7, that I don’t want to know about every new detail that happens in your life, that I don’t get happy when I see a new post by you, that I don’t miss you, that I don’t still love you.
Shannon, I hate you, but not as much as I hate myself. Because I would take you back in a heartbeat despite it all.