Dear bright eyes,
I hope your doing well. I have a feeling you doing much better than me. You have that strength in you. I feel so foolish clingy to false hope. There is so much I wish I could say and tell you. I know you no longer want anything to do with me that you’ve made up your mind. Idk if you move on and I know like you said it no longer concerns me. But I worry about you from time to time. I shouldnof put your feelings first more often. Tomo will officially been our 2 year. But we’ve know each other almost 4 years I cant believe it has come to this. And i know its real this time. Why would think otherwise. I miss you and as much as I wish for another chance. I always seem to let you down. Had hoped we could work through anything. But I was stuck. And it wore you down. We said some veryhurtful things to each other. And im sorry for saying things i never meant. And im ok with what you said. I here in bed driving myself insane. Asking myself whats wrong with me. I alway try to run from my problems instead of facing them. Why do i have this destructive behaivor. I was taking baby steps and making the effort to replace bad habits with productive ones. I should of been soing this all along. I can see now what you meant by sometimes we have to experience something traumatic to force change in ourselves. Its a very hard and painful way to do t. I dont think i’ll is ever get over you. I cant even imagine it right now. I feel really broken. I do have feelings and I hurt just like you. I wish we didnt stop communicating. Looking back was ot really so hard for me to handle things more maturely. Did I really have any reason to doubt you. I should have been helping you and support your growth. But instead I found myself doing the opposite. I had everything so wrong. You showed me so much love and patience. I realized I didnt know how to be.
I started facing myself and writing out my experiences. I realized a part of me was cut off for fear of being hurt. I denied myself many lessons in doing so. I should have listened to you and Others who realized before me. Its not easier dealing with these things while feeling with this heartbreak. Honestly I have been a wreck lately. It takes everything in my power to not reach out to you. You already have enough resentment for me. I cant seem to find a way from breaking down and stop this from affecting my work. I keep trying my best. There is alot of things that we went about all wrong we depended on each other too much and tried to change one another. Why were we doing this? We fell in love for all the things we are. we should of been able let you be you. That was who i loved. Im such a slow learner. There so much I could go on about all these things. But words are just words, I need to start taking action. I making progress but Its a long road ahead of me. Im always gonna miss you and love you. I know it sounds pathetic. But we were only a short ways from being married. And we made alot of great memories. I dont know how to let go of all of that. I hope I can one day. But right now its so hard.
Im sorry for how I hurt you,
I will think of you in the best of ways and what you have taught me
I hope to progress from here and I hope you find someone who loves you and makes you never feel uncertain.