My Goodbye

My Goodbye

My Goodbye

LTME-postDear to person that I thought was my person,
We know each other forever since we were kids but I never actually notice you until my sophomore year of high school. Which I have told you this before. Which is sad for me say that your one of most beautiful person I ever know but at the same time your not. It took me forever to realize that I fell in love with a boy and not a man. I could understand how you let people affect your mind so easily. One minute you said you love me and I’m beautiful but the next you can’t date me because of my size. We have been on and off and it has been a train wreck. It has emotionally drain me and somehow I’m always drawn back to you and each time it ends worse. Half of the time we weren’t even dating. Honestly I have no Idea where to go with this because our story is beautiful and painful mess. Like I said before I never notice until high school and when I did I wish I did a lot sooner. I never met someone where I can have random conversations for endless ours, make me laugh when I want to punch someone, and is as weird as me. The first time when we started dating. It was weird and I was weird and it cause me to run away a lot and keep you away from my friends. We broke up and it was weird for awhile but somehow we fallen to how we used to be. We talk on and off throughout the summer up until our junior year. You would say things just to see how I would react to them and then I started dating someone else. Then you stop talking to me. It hurt me so much and I never knew why. It took me until mid junior year to realize I want you. I wanted to be with you. Then I told you how I felt and I ran away because I didn’t want to deal with your reaction. After that you told me you felt the same way and it was perfect or too perfect. Couple weeks later after Spring break happen, something just change. You change. A lot of things was said between us, stuff we can’t even take back, even if we wanted too. But the main thing that stuck out to me was if we were dating the showing off would be the other way around because of my size. Then we never talk up until my freshmen year of college year. We talk and talk and then I realize only to come to find out you only message me because I you thought I wanted to fuck and you were heart broken because your ex broke up with you. So I ended things because I was letting myself go in to deep. I never saw you again until last Summer when I ran into where you work and you wanted to talk. So one night we did and I just don’t get it and not even now. I open myself up to you emotionally, vulnerably, and physically. You said things like I’m beautiful, you still love me, I’m yours, I’m your other half, and so much more. Sometimes you said it so low you thought I wouldn’t hear you but I did. You even had a song for me which cause pull your car over because it makes you emotional. But you can’t be with me because then you have change everything about me. If you love someone you shouldn’t have too. You should love me for me! My hair, eyes, glasses, weight, and all. So were trying to be friends because you want to be in my life some type of way. Ever since then you only hit me up randomly to either say I worried about you sometimes. But then one night something happen to me and I just wanted to talk to you. All I wanted was you and you were three and half hours away, so I just didn’t bother. I had social media shut down and I kept to myself. I never really got back into it until Thanksgiving break and you decided to call me because “You haven’t heard from me in awhile.” You told me all these things you did but regardless you felt lonely. So being person I was I wish you Happy Thanksgiving the next day, then when I went back to school. I tried talking to you like legitimate conversation and all you ask was whats wrong and never reply. I still wish you Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. But still no word, not even now. I still think of you sometimes of things that I see or read. Sometimes I wonder what your doing and how your doing. Even though you were shitty ass person to me I still care for you happiness and welling being. I’m finally glad I am able tell my story to someone because my friends that I have now. They don’t know you or understand it. I didn’t even understand but I do now. Even though a part of me is still heartbroken. I wish you well. I wish that you accomplished your goals and find happiness. It took me forever realize were just not meant to be in each other lives. I still love you but not like that anymore.



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