If you were here…

If you were here…

If you were here…


My beloved JS:
It is March the month when I met you three years ago. As the date for what would have been our third anniversary approaches I find my self thinking of you, remembering you and really wishing I could talk to you but I don’t want to call or text you, this time I want to respect fully your decision and try harder myself to move on.
I know for a fact now that I got to be deeply connected to you like I really gave you my wholesome and realizing that explains all the fear while we were together. I mean you were and probably will be the only one to ever have seen my naked and vulnerable soul. Writing this here brings a small sting in my heart but at the same time I remember you with much love and cannot help but miss you.
While we were together I always gave you the hands up in any situation and didn’t want to hurt you or get hurt by my cause, however, it puzzles me that you just shut down yourself and left me with a million questions a million whys…….
It hurt me very much when you said that I had pushed you away and that I have put you in a position to choose between your friends and me. I thought you knew me better I have never and would ever put someone to choose I think that is manipulative and unfair to the person, but I guess you just needed to blame me and that’s ok even if it makes me see a JS I wouldn’t have expected. As the JS I know was pretty sincere with me. On one of our last calls you said you didn’t want to lose me….. remember our first dates? Whenever you said so I told you “ you won’t lose me but I am pretty sure I will lose you”. I am still here in plain sight but you not trying just tells me that you are gone, you have moved on. My wishes for you always are that you are well and that you do well in life and are happy. It pains me to think that you might be with someone because I love you! On the other hand wish and will root for your happiness. I miss our cat as well I know you and your mom take good care of her.
I miss our talks, your hugs I miss the friend you became to me but I know you are also proud and so I know that even if this letter went to your hands there wouldn’t be an answer instead you would search reassurance of your choices from your friends and that’s ok.
I just wanted to unwind my thoughts and say once more I love you and that I know it won’t change.
Te amo JS.
Please be well and happy!
Con Mucho amor,
Your Magdalena


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