It’s me again. I’ve probably handwritten you over 50 letters already honestly. I guess writing to you during the time you were deployed stuck with me.
I will never understand how you were okay with holding onto me and manipulating me for so long. In my heart I know you’re a great person, but my mind is telling me otherwise. I look back at our relationship and there was more talk than actions from you. We were so open with each other that I stopped expecting so much from you. I lowered my standards and expectations, and that probably was the worst decision I made. I stopped trying bc I didnt see you put any effort into our relationship anymore after you got comfortable. The issue here is that I kept lying to myself about how in love you were with me. I knew you didn’t love me the same way I loved you. I just didn’t realize these things bc I trusted your words, your promises. Now I literally have trust issues lol. I’m still trying to forgive myself for letting myself get to this point. For beating myself up so bad for the things that you did wrong. For letting you blame me for how things ended. I understand why you chose someone else, but I will never understand how you could do the things we were going to do with her. How could you be so heartless and get the same exact dog and name it the same exact name as we had planned? That is just so twisted. I know I will gain much more from this break up than you. I still miss you and will always love you bc you were truly my best friend and opened my eyes to see life in a different perspective. Idk how to let go of you yet, but I’m excited to see what the future holds for me and I’m excited for my next relationship bc I will never let this happen to me again. I will never let anyone treat me as if I’m an option, esp if I treated them as my everything. I will love myself first and put my feelings out there without the fear of being put down and blamed. I will find love again, whether that’s why you again or someone else. I hope you’re doing well, but I hope one day you’ll feel the pain I felt and I hope you have twice as many regrets. Thanks for everything.