I never really wanted this day to come. I hate seeing goodbyes, but things change, people change, and circumstances change. It’s the nature of life, I get it.
As you already know, I have not been feeling too confident in our connection lately. Talking about this is always a bit awkward, especially when I don’t know where I stand in your life. The few times I brought it up and tried to work through it, you told me that you are too stressed out and brushed it off, and my pathetic little heart just couldn’t add more pressure to your seemingly hectic life. I think all I have ever wanted from you is feel special, and you did that so well during the first month we met. I think I woke up everyday with a smile thinking I’m living in a dream. But now I know, dreams only exist before reality hits, and I was just never that special .
You have a lot going on, I get it. I have been in your place many times, used the same exact excuse that led to my break ups. I just didn’t have time to commit, well , in better words, I didn’t think the other person was important enough for me to balance everything on my plate and them. So I understood exactly what you meant when you told me “ Sorry I have been MIA, I’m just really busy”. I really wish you could have just told me “sorry but I’m just not that into you to make the effort”, it honestly would make things less hard for me right now.
I know I’m not your girlfriend, I’m just Tee, sometimes Becks. There is no title involved, and that makes me nobody. I’ve seen the way you look at things that makes you happy, and I’ve seen the way you look at someone and flash a smile, just like how you used to with me, it made my heart panic and I would get lost in your beautiful jade green, bamboo forrest color eyes. I do miss that look, and I know you will probably never look at me like that again. I’m not hurt by it, but I’m hurt at the fact you don’t even look at me at all.
There were moments when I look at you and thought to myself, I think I might be falling for this guy. This annoying smartass, sometimes mean but always so kind, respectful, funny , the almost perfect blend of cocky and confident, a man who is so hardworking, trustworthy and dependable. My diablo III buddy, my swolemate and gym crush. This big silly boi who loves my eggs, or at least say that he does. The boi with the biggest shoulders, and the prettiest eyes.
Fillif, I have so much I want to say, but at this point none of it really matters. I’m grateful that you even got to THIS far with my letter. The last time I wrote a note like this was years ago, I guess I have became soft.
I don’t think I can continue to fall for you anymore, this is really bad for me. I’m going to save all the “ hope you the best” corny stuff , you know I want nothing but the best for you. Like I said when we first met, If this doesn’t work out one day, I hope you find someone that can give you what I couldn’t.
Take care PB, I love you, and I’m not sorry that I do , but I’m sorry that you don’t. We could have been a power couple, but I’m perfectly fine being powerful solo. It might take a little time but I’ll get what I want, I always do.