Writing a letter addressed to you isn’t something new for me. Except this time, I’m writing to wish you well and to convince myself that we’re better off without each other. Throughout our relationship, I always valued honesty and transparency. When things were about to end, I especially told you not to hesitate to tell me anything. I was supposed to be your girlfriend AND best friend anyway. I emphasized on honesty, and I guess that really pushed you to confront what you truly felt.
I entered our relationship with doubts – and that was a mistake. I was so caught up in finally having my feelings reciprocated by a guy I’ve liked for quite a while. You probably were caught in the high, too. We were each other’s first. I wanted it to last. I wanted our story to be one of those that began when they were young and lasted ’til they were old. I recently saw this excerpt from a talk – when we’re young, we think that love is everything. So when we finally meet someone, we try so hard to fit them into the puzzle even if they’re the wrong piece. I always had a feeling that what we had wasn’t right. It wasn’t wrong, either. When you told me you felt forced in our relationship, I was heartbroken. Were all the ‘I love you’s false and insincere? I’d like to believe you genuinely loved me at some point. I wanted to choose you everyday for the rest of my life, because love is a conscious choice afterall.
I was so afraid of seeing you happy with somebody else even if I did have thoughts of breaking up with you. I asked myself, “Would I be happier with someone else?” And again, I tried fitting the wrong puzzle piece – I only wanted to be happy with you. I realize now I was being selfish. We could’ve slow danced under the stars in Sunken Garden after this pandemic, but that’s not gonna happen anymore. We could’ve attended more dance workshops together. We could’ve celebrated me getting my Sablay finally. We could’ve taken a picture together. We could’ve gone to La Union. We could’ve been.
We had happy times and I really had fun with you. I enjoyed all the things I did for you. I enjoyed all our conversations even if this pandemic pushed us into a routine and everything got boring. Feelings are hard to explain. I don’t know why you suddenly lost your love for me, and I don’t think I would ever want to know. I hope you don’t regret anything. We were each other’s first. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for everything.
I can never get mad at you. I can’t blame you for losing your feelings. I can only wish you well. May you reconnect with friends and succeed in life. You still have that MBA in two years. May you find someone who will love you the way you deserve. I know it’s only been two days but I’m slowly accepting we just weren’t meant to be. Someday, you will find your person. Stay safe and healthy always! You will still be in my prayers.