Thank you, next

Thank you, next

Thank you, next

Dear R,
Something that I have thought about a lot in the year since you broke my heart into a million little pieces is “will I ever love like that again?” It’s a question and a thought that used to make me really sad and scared that I would never love someone as intensely as I loved you again, and that that feeling of “this is my big love in life” would be something I would never experience again.

Recently that thought popped into my brain as I was reflecting on where I was a year ago (completely and utterly heartbroken in a way that consumed my entire being) and I realized that the answer to that  is no- I will never love anyone the way I loved you again. But that is a good thing. The love I had with you was not a love that was healthy, or that I felt safe in. It was a love that made me miserable with all of its fluctuations and never feeling comfortable with where I stood with you and how you felt about me. It was a love that made me feel desperate and pathetic as I chased you and fought for you and was so preoccupied that it consumed my life and everything that I was. It was a love that made me feel like I wasn’t enough and too much at the same time.  

I’ve spent the last year in therapy healing the feelings that were inside of me that made me love you like that so that I will never love like that again and know what I deserve.  I will never love anyone the way that I loved you and thank god for that, its not somewhere I want to be again. I now have hope that in the future I can find a love that is warm and safe and reliable. Thank you for being the person who showed me this part of myself and gave me something to work through in  therapy and heal from as well as heal many of the wounds that put me there in the first place. I am grateful to you for breaking my heart and showing me myself. I like her a lot more now. 
-Love K


Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.