There so many things that were left unsaid.. where do I even began ?
I guess I could say where did it all go wrong ?
Loving me isn’t easy. So I don’t blame you, for falling out of love with me. I wish things were different. I just need closure. I want to pick my phone up and dial your phone. Just to hear your beautiful voice one more time. Just one more hoo-rah . But what difference did it make ? Let me just start back at the beginning.
We were simple , easy , fun even . “The honeymoon phase “ they call it these days , but was it ever really a phase ? The first night I met you , I was so nervous . I was over thinking and over analyzing everything and anything under the sun. But you don’t want to hear that right ? I know I fucked up. Beyond forgiveness. But I would fight every. Single. Day. For the rest of my life trying to fix the pain I caused you trying to love me. Because again I’m not an easy lover. I freak out , I tried to control you .. but you were like my dandelion, my muse , my light .. but things started to change. The distance. The terrible timing. The stupid pity arguments. Our egos being too high to apologize so we just never did and kept going like it was fine but we were slowing losing our spark. But the spark is what keeps the relationship simply that. The spark , the feelings , the way you’d talk so passionately about our future. The life we wanted for ourselves. But together. I spend almost every weekend with you since I met you. Can you imagine trying to unlearn everything about a person you spend almost every moment with for a year ? 365 days I was with you. Hopelessly in love . Unconditionally in love. And that’s what I will always remain. Hopeless and unconditionally in love with you. Always and forever. But here’s to the heartache right ?
But it wasn’t as easy or as simple as that. There were bitter arguments , letting our anger get the best of us in the heat of the moment . Saying things we instantly regretted after. Holding each other in each other’s arms as we cried about the fear of losing one another.
Why can’t I get you out of my head ?
I see your name and hear your voice everywhere. Why can’t I just go numb. I’d rather be numb then feel this pit in my stomach, making me feel physically sick to my stomach from crying because I love someone who made them self not love me back.
Here’s the simple question . It’s rhetorical really.
“ where did I go so wrong that I made you hate me “ but I know the answer to that question. You’ve told me so many times. How can one simply go from being so in love to feeling absolutely nothing ? I was always told growing up that if you fall in love then you always have to take the risk. Now you’re probably wandering what risk ? Being open. Vulnerable. Letting all your walls down and openly put your heart out on the line. Risk getting hurt. And I was so scared but I did it anyway because I love you.
So now my last line is this .
We’re you ever in love with me or just the idea of me ?
If I ever see you in another life , even if I don’t. Just know.
You were and always be my great epic love story.