Things happen for a reason. I truly believe this statement, but sometimes I don’t agree with what comes with it. We started back in December 23, 2020. Ended in June. For a while there we didn’t talk, mainly because I was out being reckless and not having a care in the world. That’s on me. I thought that I was over everything and just didn’t think I was ready for a real relationship. I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already had. Or would if I had continued with the relationship. Before I was forced to see everything from a different perspective, I hate to admit it but I never really thought of what people thought nor did I care about other people really. A sad truth it is, but when I was made to look at it rationally, I had seen what I was and could have done to people that care about me the most. After thinking about it more, I realized that leaving you was the dumbest idea. Also the smartest. Why was it the smartest? Well because I couldn’t hurt you as bad if I wasn’t with you rather than me out doing these things and still being with you.
A few weeks ago I saw you for the first time since May. So around 1 /12—2 months have passed since I saw you. Not going to lie, I was scared. More scared than facing my mom when she’s mad. I genuinely thought you had hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. It was a little weird at first. Talking soon came easy like it always was with you. Then we ended up getting closer, the time apart had made us want to not waste one second to catch up on everything. We explained our side on things and what we felt in certain moments in our time apart as well as what little time we did see each other for those three days.
And in those three days all of my feelings that I had worked so hard on compressing into the deepest part of my mind, had resurfaced. I miss what we had. I told you everything that I had still felt and you had returned the same feelings. After a week or two of talking again I had gotten grounded and couldn’t text you. As soon as I had gotten my phone back I immediately texted you on anything that I possibly could. Well after I had gotten ahold of you, I cried. I knew what you were going to say even before you said it. I didn’t want to believe the words I was reading. “Livi…I can’t do this anymore.” I hated reading it but I knew if I tried to change your mind, I would only hurt myself more.
I knew that you weren’t coming back. And that’s on me. I made it harder on us. Recovering old feelings that we had both tried to dampen. But like I said, things happen for a reason. People are either a blessing or a lesson. You just happen to be both. I can’t tell you what all you’ve done for me that I took for granted. And for that I am sorry. But now I’m working on myself because I want to be the best me for whomever I meet. Whether it be you again or someone else.
You made me realize that sometimes you have to take the help you are given. Sometimes people help you without you even knowing. And that you did. All you wanted was for me to be happy. For me to be successful in what I was doing. Supported me more than most. You cared. You wanted nothing more than for me to be happy and flourish in whatever I worked on. I want to give back to you. If it means that I can’t text you for you to go on easily or be happier knowing you don’t have to respond to me then so be it.
All I want is for you to be the happiest you. That’s all I could ever ask for. I can’t wait to see you truly happy again and not hiding your emotions and the hurt that you have to endure. That takes time. Time to heal fully. There’s no way to truly know how long that will take, but if you ever need someone to lean on or talk to for advice, just know I’m always going to be here. Overall I wish nothing but the best for you and your family. I will always want the best for you, and my love for you will always burn bright as long as I walk this green earth. Things happen for a reason. Everyone you meet serves a purpose in your life. You served a great deal in my life. So thank you. Thank you for the time you gave me.